Going to the U.S. as a volunteer last year, there was a time that I needed to be in a choir team. All volunteers that I stayed with needed to make a harmony to perform in front of brothers and sisters in a church. It was quite excited because I loved singing but never had a chance to sing in front of a large group. For a great performance, we chose a piece of song, tried to make a line and started to practice together. However, it was not that easy to make one voice at one time. At that moment, the choir leader told me that my voice is too loud. "Volume down your voice! Eunwoo. You are distracting the other people. You should make your voice smaller to make a harmony." At first, I couldn't agree with her because I thought I was good at singing and doing perfectly fine because I used to go to the karaoke three times in a week and many people told me I am good at singing! I was keep thinking this and didn't listen what the choir leader said. Obviously, our singing didn't get better and it became harder and harder. Suddenly, I got to think that 'I can be wrong that I think I am good at singing.' That mind-set made me to listen to what she said. 'Okay, then, why don't I listen to her? She has more experiences in this field, so let's follow as what she said.' I made my voice smaller and tried to listen to other people's sound. As we tried to listen to each other, our sound became better and better. Listening to each other is very important. Many people think that they are listening, but actually, they are not. Literally "listening" doesn't mean listening. They can't listen because they have a thought that "I am right." But if they put down the mind-set and listen to the other with a heart that you can be wrong and the other can be right, it will bring you a new world of listening and true communication.
Hello, Eunwoo. I really enjoyed reading your essay that it seemed real in a way that you described how loud your voice was, and used direct quotations. However, I wasn't sure whether you would go for the title you chose for or choose the new title. In addition, in the first paragraph, the way you used "volume down your voice" really caught my eyes making the story more vivid. Your basic verb tense was past whilst you've appropriately changed your verb tense in the direct quotations. I am looking forward to find out more of your story in this essay! Have a great chuseok. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm Dohoon. Your essay was very interesting to read, and I liked how you came to a conclusion that listening is true communication. Also, the direct quotations and quotations used to show your feelings were great ways of making the readers vividly imagine the situation. Although the story was very enjoyable, I found some grammatical mistakes, and I thought fixing it would increase readability. In addition, I thought the first sentence could be made better somehow to really catch the readers attention!
ReplyDeleteHi I'm Yeonjae and I read your essay well. It was interesting to know about your volunteer experience in the states and your learnings from the choir team. I think first telling your personal story then drawing a broad conclusion that true communication comes from listening to others sincerely was a nice strategy. I've read other students' comments but I think that your title suits your overall essay. Also I think hook is necessary (it would be nice to add a new sentence in front of your current first sentence). Great content!
ReplyDelete-commented by Yeonjae Hwang
Knowing your own shortage
ReplyDelete“True wisdom is to know your own shortage.” –Ock Soo Park,
Have you ever thought that the true wisdom is to know your own shortage? Most people don’t want to be bad at something. Everyone wants to be good, therefore they put their effort to achieve what they want. I was also one of them. However, there was a day to realize what the quote meant and learned about what the true communication is.
Going to the U.S. as a volunteer last year, there was a time that I needed to be in a choir team. All volunteers that I stayed with needed to make a harmony to perform in front of brothers and sisters at a church. It was quite excited because I loved singing but never had a chance to sing in front of a large group. For a great performance, we chose a piece of song, tried to make a line and started to practice together. However, it was not that easy to make one voice at one time. At that moment, the choir leader told me that my voice was too loud. “Volume down your voice! Eunwoo. You are distracting the other people. You should make your voice smaller to make a harmony.” At first, I couldn’t agree with her because I thought I was good at singing and doing perfectly fine because I used to go to the karaoke three times in a week and many people told me I was good at singing! Keeping thinking about this, I didn’t listen to what the choir leader said. Obviously, our singing didn’t get better and it became harder and harder. Suddenly, I got to think that ‘I can be wrong that I think I am good at singing.’ That mind-set made me to listen to what she said. ‘Okay, then, why don’t I listen to her? She has more experiences in this field, so let’s follow as what she said.’ I made my voice smaller and tried to listen to other people’s sound. As we tried to listen to each other, our sound became better and better. Listening to each other is very important. Many people think that they are listening, but actually, they are not. Literally “listening” doesn’t mean listening. They can’t listen because they have a thought that “I am right.” But if they put down the mind-set and listen to the other with a heart that you can be wrong and the other can be right, it will bring you a new world of listening and true communication. That is wisdom.
Knowing your own shortage
ReplyDelete“True wisdom is to know your own shortage.” –Ock Soo Park,
Have you ever thought that the true wisdom is to know your own shortage? Most people don’t want to be bad at something. Everyone wants to be good, therefore they put their effort to achieve what they want. I was also one of them. However, there was a day to realize what the quote meant and learned about what the true communication is.
Going to the U.S. as a volunteer last year, there was a time that I needed to be in a choir team. All volunteers that I stayed with needed to make a harmony to perform in front of brothers and sisters at a church. It was quite excited because I loved singing but never had a chance to sing in front of a large group. For a great performance, we chose a piece of song, tried to make a line and started to practice together. However, it was not that easy to make one voice at one time. At that moment, the choir leader told me that my voice was too loud. “Volume down your voice! Eunwoo. You are distracting the other people. You should make your voice smaller to make a harmony.” At first, I couldn’t agree with her because I thought I was good at singing and doing perfectly fine because I used to go to the karaoke three times in a week and many people told me I was good at singing! Keeping thinking about this, I didn’t listen to what the choir leader said. Obviously, our singing didn’t get better and it became harder and harder. Suddenly, I got to think that ‘I can be wrong that I think I am good at singing.’ That mind-set made me to listen to what she said. ‘Okay, then, why don’t I listen to her? She has more experiences in this field, so let’s follow as what she said.’ I made my voice smaller and tried to listen to other people’s sound. As we tried to listen to each other, our sound became better and better. Listening to each other is very important. Many people think that they are listening, but actually, they are not. Literally “listening” doesn’t mean listening. They can’t listen because they have a thought that “I am right.” But if they put down the mind-set and listen to the other with a heart that you can be wrong and the other can be right, it will bring you a new world of listening and true communication. That is wisdom.