Saturday, October 31, 2015

Tuesday1pm~3pm/Week8-First Draft/Sieun Kim

My house in U.S changed my studying abroad life to a valuable memory. I was a timid child and had passive attitude before I lived in U.S. So I always worried that I won't make many friends in America. But it was different than I expected. Life there gave me a chance to experience variety of things with many new friends. I had lived in an apartment not many things located inside when I had lived in Korea but in U.S, I lived in a house much larger than my apartment in Korea. It was a three-storied house with a swimmimg pool. My room was on the third floor. Since my room was small, there was only a bed setted for me and some dolls I played with. But other rooms were big enough to play. In my study room, there were supplements for art, for example, some drawing books, crayons, markers, and stickers.There also was a computer so I played games and sometimes wrote poems. I often took a bubble bath in the bathroom, cooked in the kitchen and did school assignments sitting on a rocking chair in the living room. In the basement, there were camping equipment, tools needed for house repair thrown on the floor and my father's car. One thing unique in my house was that there was a tree house in the garden. The tree house was decorated similar to an attic in other friends' house. There were a little TV with DVD player, toys and blankets. I climbed up to the tree house whenever I wanted to take a rest and watched a movie. My friends visited my house very often because there were many things to do and could play on my tree house. So it was not difficult for me to have many foreign friends and adjust to new school environment.

3 comments:

  1. Hi my name is Jun Hyun woo I lliked how you briefly described your new house in the U.S. by listing various things that were there. However, I was curious which room was located in which floor because you only mentioned the third floor and the basement. I felt the luxurious atmosphere in this draft just by looking at the swimming pool and the tree house. It was great overall but it could be a little better if you mentioned what you did with your foreign friends in the tree house instead of "there were many things to do and could play on my tree house."

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  2. Hi my name is Jun Hyun woo I lliked how you briefly described your new house in the U.S. by listing various things that were there. However, I was curious which room was located in which floor because you only mentioned the third floor and the basement. I felt the luxurious atmosphere in this draft just by looking at the swimming pool and the tree house. It was great overall but it could be a little better if you mentioned what you did with your foreign friends in the tree house instead of "there were many things to do and could play on my tree house."

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  3. I liked the part where you described what you did at your home in the states. You gave many details on that so I was able to have a better understanding on why the house still means so much to you, and why you wrote about this place. I especially liked the tree house part because I could imagine the green and brown colors of the house and you enjoying spending your time there. But I think your essay would be better if you include sensory details more specifically. You listed things you did a lot and they are very helping to understand why you liked your house in the states, but they do not show much about sensory details other than just visual ones. So you could try describing things with other sensory details. :) - Ha-eun Jeong

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